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天竺小说网>四十自述电子书>附录一 What I Believe1

附录一 What I Believe1(第1页)

附录一WhatIBelieve[1]

Myfather,Hu,wasasdamanwillandadmiy。Afteraperiodofclassiiureandhistory,hetookgreatihestudyofgeography,espethegeographyofthefrontierprovioPekingand,withaletterofintroduhispocket,traveled42daystoKirininNorthernManchuriatoseetheImperialissioa-,ntoEuropeanSinologuesasoarchaeologistsina。

Wureceivedhimahe。“Nothing,”saidmyfather,“exceptletmefollowyourmissioheboundarydisputewithRussia,sothatImaystudythegeographyoftheernprovinces。”WuwasihisscholarwhohadtakenonlyhisfirstdegreeieraryexaminationsandeerthelosidetheGreatWall。Hetooktheyoungmanwithhimonhishistoriandfoundhimamostvaluableandhard-wassistant。

&imemyfather’spartylostitswayinaandotgetoutfor3days。Provisioedaeringhadfailedwheasearchbemadefstreams,whichrobabilityflowoutoftheforest。Astreamwasfouyfolloweditscoursetosafety。Myfatherposedaloocelebratethiso。WheerIusedthisiasanillustrationinapaperonProfessorJohheoryofsystematig,severalsurvivingayfatherstillreizedthissthIhadionedhisname,aoinquireifIwasayoungerson-departedfriend。

AlthoughWuTa-meothegoveras“amancapableprovinces,”myfatherneverachievedpolitiierbeinganoffigsuandFormosa,diedattheageof55whenFormosawascededtoJapaheSino-Japanese>

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Iwastheyousonofmyfatherandtheonlyother。Hemarriedthreetimes。ThefirstwifewaskillediaipingRebellion,whiyhomedistrisouthernAnhuiaoashes。Byasearriagehehadthreesonsandfhters。Theeldestsoobeanincibledegeanearlyage。Whehissedwife,hewrotehomethathehaddearryagirlofthegood,sturdystockofthefarmerclass。

Mymother’sfatherwasafarmerracticedtailtheoffmonthsoftheyear。HearespectablefamilywhichwasmassagtheTaipingRebellion。Beingonlyasmallboy,hetiveaoserveinthearmyoftheTaipings。Topreventhimfraway,fourcharacters—“Tai-pingTien-kuo”(HeavenlyKiingPeace)—werebrandedonhisfadremaihroughouthislife。Buthemaoesd,afterterriblehardship,returohishomeonlytofinditieruinswithoutasinglememberofhisfamilyleftalive。Heworkedhard,ghislandandpragtail,whichhehadlearcamp。Hegrewup,married,andhadfourymotherwastheeldest。

Mygrandfather’slifeambitionwastorebuildthefamilydwelliroyedbytheTaipings。Everymbeforesunrisehewouldgototheriverside,selectthreeheavyloadsofstone,aripscarrythemonhisshoulderpoletothesiteofhisruiheartularworkinthefieldorintail。Wheureiernoon,hewouldmakethreemoretripsandcarrythreemoreloadsofstoneforhisfuturehousebeforehesatdowhishardandperseveringworkwassilentlywitnessedbymymother,whrettedthat,beingagirl,shewasunableinanywaytolighteher’shardshipaherealizationofhisdream。

&hematchmakerwhometmygrahefieldandpleadedeloquentlyonbehalfofmyfatherforthe“birthdate”paperofhiseldestdaughter。Mygraedtotalkitoverwithhisfamily。Butwheheproposaltohiswifeintheevening,shewasveryfurious。“Never!”shesaid,“Howyouthinkofgivinghtertoaman30yearsolderthanshe?Andsomeofhisareolderthanhter!Moreover,peoplewillnaturallythinkthatwe,ingivingirltoanelderlyofficialaresagherforthesakeofmoability。”Sotheoldcouplequarreled。Ihefathersaid,“Letussultthegirlherself。Afterall,it’shero>

&hequestionlaothersheremai,aswasusualwithesegirlsinasimilarsituatiohinkis。Tomarryamiddle-agedn-upmeantthattheoothebride’sfamilywouldbemuchmorethaninane。Thatwouldbeagreathelptoherfather’sbuildis。Andshehadseenmyfatherbeforeahewasreveredbyeverybodyi。Sheadoredhim,andwaswillingtomarryhim,partlybecauseofasenseofheroworship,butchieflybecauseofherfilialafather。Sowhensheressedbyherparentsforananswer,shesaidresolutely:“Ifyouthinkheisagoodman,I’llobey。Afterall,amanofforty-sevenisnotveryold。”Mygrandfathersighedwithreliefwhe,andmygraoutifury:“Soyouwaai(lady)ofamandaribe!”

* * * *

Mymotherwasmarriedin1889attheageof17,andIwasborninDecember,1891。Myfatherdiedin1895,leavingmymotherawidowat23。Byhisdeath,shebecameheadefamilywithmanygrown-upstep。Thepositionofaesestepmotherisproverbiallydiffidherlifefromthistimeoeriodofpatientsufferingandpainstakingise。

MymiftwasforbearaoryrecordsthateroroftheTangdyriargKung-ibylehisfamilyhadmaolivetogetherfeionswithoutseparationordivision,thegrandoldmaospeak,requestedleavetowriteouthisanswer,aeahuheword“Forbearaheesemoraliststlycitethisstoryofthe“HundredForbearahebestexampleoffamilylife,buthemseemsevertorealizetheterribleamount,fri,suppression,andinjusticewhichhavemadeforbearanabsolutey。

Ill-feeling,dagger-likewords,hostilelooksoofthestepdaughters-in-law—mymotherboreallthispatieimesshefoundherselfreagherlimitofforbearaheayihemalyweepaltheearlylossofherhusbaioheoffendingdaughter-in-lawnortheoffeimethesetearshadanalmostmiraculouseffect。Iwouldinvariablyhearadooropenintheroomofoers-in-law,aepsofawomanwalkiio。Presentlyshewouldreturnandknockatthedoorofourroom。Shewouldehacupofteaaomymother,implhertoceaseweeping。Mymotherwouldtakethedaccepthersilentapologies。Thentherewouldbepeathefamilyforaboutamonth。

Althoughsheeitherreadherstakedallherhopeoion。IrecociousdbeforeIwasthreehadlearnedover800characters,whichmyfathertaughtmeeverydayonsquareslipsofpileafterthree,Iwasalreadyinschool。Iwasthenasicklydcouldhardlyclimbadoorstepof6in。withoutassistaIcouldreadandmemorizebetterthaherboysintheseverplayedwiththeofthevillageand,bepletelackofchildplay,IwasgiventheniameofShieer)whenIwasfive。Fifteeer,ativersity,Iwasniamed“DoIhomore,andforthissame>

Mymothereverydaybeforedaybreakaupihentellmeallshekmyfather。Shewouldsaythatsheexpectedmetofollowthefootstepsofhimwhowastoherthebestahateverlived,amanwho,shesaid,wassomuchrespectedthatallopiumdensandgambliheviitysuspendedbusinessduringhisoalsojouroldmethatIandheronlybymygooddbyatsinscholarshipandiexaminations—thatwhatevershewassufferingwouldberewardedbymydiligentappliystudies。Iwouldoftehhalf-opesherarelygaveupthismsermowhensomeladyguestwasstayingwithusinthesameroom。

Whendaylightcame,shewoulddressmeaoschool。Wheleolder,Iwasalwaysthefirsttoarriveatskeacher’sdoorforthekeytoopentheschoolgate。ThekeywashahroughthesmallcrevithetwodoorsandIwassooreadingaloudmyassigheschoolwasnotdismissedtilldusk,wheneachboybowedtothebigpictureoffurubbingaeadweheaveragelengthoftheschooldaywas12h。

Whileallowingmenochildplayofanykind,mymavemeeveryeinmychildishattempttobuildatempleofworshipte,fucius。Ilearhisfromthesohalf-sister,aboy5yearsmysenior。Hehadbuiltapapertempleoffuciuswithallkindseouscolorpapers,anditattractedme。IusedabigpaperboxasthemainhallofworshipandcutabigsquareholeonitsbacktowhichIpastedasmallerpaperboxastheinhetabletoffucius。TheouterhallwhereIplacedthegreatdiscipleswasdecoratedwithminiaturesrittehegreatsageiedfrommyempleandpartlyfrombooks。Iickswerefrequentlyburoytempleandmymotherrejoimychildishpiety,secretlybelievingthatthespiritoffuciuswouldsurelyrewardmebymakingmearenownedsdsuccessfuldidateieraryexaminations。

MyfatherwasaclassicalsdasterheNeo-istRationalPhilosophyofChuHsi(1130–1200A。D。)。HewasstronglyopposedtoBuddhismandTaoism。Irememberseeingonthedoorofmyuncle’shouse(whichwasmyfirstschool)asun-bleabearingthewords“NoAlmsforBuddhistMonksorTaoistPriests,”which,IlearerartoftheRationalisttraditiobymyfather。Butmyfatherwasdead,myscholarlyunlefthometobeeapettyoffiorthernAnhui,aherswereinShanghai。

ThewomehomewereundernoobligatiohisRationalistiyfather。Theyobservedtheusualritesofaorworshipaoworshipwhereverandoledthem。Kwan-yin,theGoddessofMercy,wastheirfavoritedeity,andmymother,chieflyoutofherayformyhealthandwell-being,wasadevoutbelieverofKwan-yin。Iremembergoingwithheretoatempleofthisgoddessonamountaieofthebouwhiedherthroughoutherlife,walkedthewholedistanceofhillytrailtoandfromtheshrine。

Iwasinthevillageschool,ofwhichthereweresevenine,for9years(1895–19whichtimeIreadahefollowingbooks:

1。TheBookofFilialPiety,apost-classio。

&aryLessons(or“TheSmallLearning”),abookofNeo-istmoralteaonlyattributedtotheSungphilosopher,ChuHsi。

3。TheFourBooks:TheAsoffucius,TheBookofMeLearniriheMean。

4。FouroftheFiveClassics:TheBookofPoetry,TheBookofHistory,TheBookofdTheLiKi。

Mymother,ayseiherhouseholdexpeedonpayileastthricebetterthauitionfee,osilverdollarsayear。Shepaidsixdollarsfromthebeginningagraduallyto12。Fromthisinsignifithefee,Iderivedbehousaerthaiostatedabovepossiblyihetilmerelyreadaloudaedbyheart,aeaevertookthetroubletoexplaintohimthemeaningofthewordsmemorized。Ialone,becauseoftheadditioherareprivilegeofhavingeverywordahereadingsexplaiis,trahedeadlahecolloquialdialect。

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